The Cell Phone....

Can someone please tell me why the cell phone is soo damn important. Can someone tell me why the cellphone can literally run your day to day life, or perhaps more simply, can someone tell me why it is the every teenager in the world has one of these as if they are soo damn special that they cant possibly go an hour without one. It seems like these are questions that everyone has asked at least once in the last year or two but no one has an answer for it, and even more patheticaly the ones who are asking the questions, nine times out ten are the ones with the phone problems.
I'll start by saying that I have a cell phone and that I fall into the category, of people who could no way go a day without it, so reasons more important then others. I am a salesman and so for my job I need to be in constant contact with my costumers and therefore I can rationalize why I am so deathly afraid of leaving it behind. However, there are people who you know receive calls that less then 10% are business are emergency and still feel that they are "naked" without this technological life support. My boss is a prime example. His phone's screen has some ink leaking in it so he cant read all of his text messages but because he is single there is no way that he can tell the women he talks to that this is a problem. So instead, what does he do? He simply receives all of his texts and then forwards them to his email address and reads them there. Then to reply he writes the email sends it back to his phone and then sends that way so that no one knows what he is doing. On Saturday he did this 42 time, and that is our busiest day at the office. Shit, there is no way that this is healthy. And, if this text messaging is so damn important why the hell hasn't he gone and gotten a new phone. So I asked him and his response was as wistful as Charlze Theron in "Monster, I know that she won an Oscar but come on let me see something. He said, "I would, but there is no way that I could go two days without it and that how long it will take for them to send me a new one." Come on....There is no way that he seriously means that. How is it possible that a 34 year old man can be that dedicated to his cell phone. I mean its almost as if that is a part of his family and that if were to separate from it, there could be some long term ramifications.
And as for teenagers with cell phones. Good Lord don't get me started. Infect all those in favor of teenagers having cell phones, and when I say teenagers I really mean a narrow group from the age of 12-14, please wherever you are and whatever you are doing please stand up and kick yourself in the face, and if you cant perform this, then at least pull the hammy trying. This group could be more addicted to any one piece of technology, then any other generation to any other thing. Shit, when I was thirteen I was just trying to understand why breasts were so cool, but now these teenagers are finding ways to get digits and score, something that I didn't now was a normal practice until my Junior year in high-school. And for all you parents out there who feel that your 8th grader is in NEED of a cell phone, please call child services and report yourself immediately because you are incapable of good parenting, infact, call me first and let me come over and let me hit you in the head with a tac hammer because you are a retard.
So for all you people out there addicted to cell phones, please take this entry to heart because not only are you affecting your own life but all those around you. And remember if you don't get help from me.....Get help somewhere


-scott

The Dinner Party...

I have just experienced my first dinner party and I most be honest when telling you that I am thoughrly confused. Maybe I'm just a novice to the situation but I got to tell you that I dont get it. I mean is there an age limit to these whole things, and when I say age limit, I guess I mean an age at which you must be at least, to enjoy. As I sat and looked around the table I saw a hand full of 20 years old thirty somethings, a group of people who I am pretty sure were mostly in their twenties but were full blown "thirties with kids" kind of people. My roomate was there and he was absolutely enjoying himself and fitting in perfectly to the conversation, however, if you get to know my roomate you will find that he is the definition of a 20 year old thirty something. So I ask, am I the minority in this whole thing, I mean once you graduate from college, is the process, get a job, find a place to live and learn to love the dinner party, and if so, where the hell was that memo. Because trust me if I knew that going into college, I would never of come back out, and it took me six years as it was. And lets just say that I am in the minority and that most people my age enjoy these rather dull, eventless gatherings. At what age does this manifistation take place. S**t, I'm 24 and I was looking for a noose, and I can't imagine that I was the only one that felt this way. Or was I.... you see this is the big dilemna. I mean is it possible that no one truely enjoys these God foresaken things, but feel that as we age, and hopefully progress in life, that this is just one of those "next steps" that we are to get accustomed to. I mean I dont want to start anything but this just shouts conspiracy. Maybe the whole world is just against me, maybe one by one people have realized that I am easily irratated by events such as these, events that scream out for attention, and are granted such, for no apparent reason. It's the same for the graduation party. I recently graduated college and my mom asked if I would want a party to celebrate the occasion. Now for those who have not experienced this, dont immediately jump on board when asked this for the first time, I mean I know that it sounds like a cant lose, but trust me its not what you are thinking. There is very little beer, very little music (if any), and most importantly very little people there, THAT YOU KNOW. I mean seriously what the hell is this all about. I have just graduated college and in my heroic return I come home to a house full of 50 and 60 year olds who are talking about everything but, my amazing accomplishment of graduated college under a decade. However, for all you listeners out there, this is different from the "dinner party" in that you dont want to immediatly run from these. You see, at these lifeless, pulse challenging parties there is one major draw, a draw big enough to put up with the night of terror, and that is.....PRESENTS. You literally get 20+ things that you never knew you wanted, or for that matter dont want but will certainly accept based solely on the fact that it is free. You see with the graduation party you are faced with a decision, a night of unmistakable fun (try to step around the sarcasm) and free gifts and a happy mother, or a night of football and beer with the guys. However, with the dinner party there is no decision. I tell you now, for all those aboard, if you are ever approached by a "friend" who wants to go to a dinner party with you, RUN....run like the wind and dont stop running until you have reached a pre-selected safe zone, and for those who dont have a pre-selected safe zone, select one soon. For it is an inevitble state of events that you will be asked to join a dinner party in the near future and when this day of hell arrives the better prepared you are, the more likely you are to survive. And as for the "friend" who approached you dont turst him when he tells you what a joyous occasion it will be, I dont care if this is someone you trust with everything you know true, you still most run from him. Run from him as if you are child be offered candy from a stranger, a stranger in a black over-coat, a stranger in boots, in a dark van with no windows, 3 teeth and a hair or dread-locks not seen since Whoopi. Run and dont look back, trust me when I tell you, you will thank me later.

Politically Correct....Are we sure about this statement?

This might be a bit far stretched but bare with me for just a minute. I am a young man and I'm in my first position, in the "real world." And so far the most important thing that has been taught to me, or so think the training and PR staff,is to be politically correct when talking to customers and most importantly a woman. With all the lawsuits out there I'm sure you can assume why there is such an emphasis on this topic. However, when you think about it, you might start to second guess this whole phrase. Politically Correct......First of all let me start by saying that, those two words are as made for each other as, lawyers and truth, Barry Bonds and steroid-free, or may I go a little further back and say Nixon and controversy free. I mean politically correct is a complete oxymoron. What political figure am I supposed to set my example after, or maybe a little more broad, what politically party am I supposed to set my example after. Lets see....Well I am as republican as they come and in any other situation think that could rap this whole argument and say, as biased and ignorant as this is, that all right in government, comes from the republican party. So when someone says to be politically correct, I should just stop what I'm doing and emulate the republican party. However, there was a hiccup in the system, oh 2 years ago, when the not so talented actor, and dare I say, although a stretch, a less qualified politician, Arnold "I'll be back" Schwarzenegger was elected in to office. And although he rants and raves on what a strong republican he is, if you just listen to what he says he is as left winged as a republican has ever been, but again that is another argument for another day. However, with his election into office it nullifies my, now obviously close minded belief, that republicans are without fault (again stretching and allowing this left winger the republican title).

Now lets move to the other of the spectrum the overly increasing evil democrats. I mean where in the bloody hell ( yes that was a little English thrown in there for you to see if you are paying attention) do I begin with this party. I mean the most respected of them all in recent polls was Bill Clinton for Christ sake. I mean how political correct has this guy ever been. Lets forget for the next little while the old "Monny Lou" exists, and that the inbreeded, Razorback Bill, didn't take "old one eye to the optomitrist." Lets forget all of that for just a little while. But for now lets just concentrate on thing and one thing only. This man who you unbelievably close minded dem-dems (democrats) feel is the best representation of your party over the last half a century (based off of CNN polls in mid July 2005), lied on the grand jury. Allow me to repeat....THIS MAN LIED TO A GRAND JURY. I mean about this guy can we trust, believe, stand by, accept or hold true if in the one place that we are so desperately supposed to be honest, he was all but. This is enough reason in itself to hate the democratic party, but if that's not enough I just throw one more name in there, Tom Delay(and although technicaly the rep. house majority leader, we true reublicans dont like to claim him, thus passed on to the democrats), yet another argument for another time.

so with this I ask you what is politically correct, I mean its not political, and even if it was there is nothing about politics that is correct, so how i am supposed to make sure that i am so with no basis for and example. I mean should i take our receptionist in the back and give myself a little "yeah-hoo" all for the greater good of my company, or instead inject a seringe in my ass and hope that i can verbally defy logic with any and/or all things that come from my mouth. Shit, this is too much for me I'm out.

-scott

The Night That Could Have Been....

4-2...bottom 9, 1-2 count to the tireless David Eckstein, in comes the 1-2, a hard ground ball to left field...............O.K....O.K....nothing to get to worked up about, we still have Lidge, and up next is the unusually cool, Jim Edmonds............strike one.......holy shit 2 strikes away from the World Series, can this possibly be happening..........ball one...........its ok we still just need to more strikes........ball 2........i dont like this a bit but still i like my odds..COME ON LIDGE LETS DO THIS MAN!!!!!........ball 3.......SHIT.......come on Lidge get it together.......ball 4, take your base.......O.K. now im worried, up next is Albert Pujols, possibly the best hitter since Wade Boggs, but with the power of the Babe........heres comes the first pitch.......A STRIKE.....hell yeah thats what im talking about Lidge, just two more.........the 0-1 pitch......>CRACK<

How advanced can we really be?

i have news for all you technical marvels out there who feel that the world is a technically advanced work of genius. I know the stories on how we have developed more technology in the past 20 years then we did the 2000 years leading up to it, but i dont buy it. I mean how advanced can we be if we are still useing toilet paper. i know that this fluffy piece of joy is a major protector for our hands from the back-ends dismissal of un-wanted waste, but seriously how bad does it get. this damn thing can be no more the 1/2 mm and still we use it with total comfort that we are protected from the brown destruction. i dont know about all you out there, and when i say all of you i mean the 2 people who might possible read this entry, but im fed up with giving my hard earned money to our government so they can find new ways to destroy the middle east (which im a strong supporter of, i mean the less land left over there when we are done, the better), but damnit cant some of my money come back to me. I appreciate your (Uncle Sam) measly 2% return i get each year at tax return time, but s**t, if giving that money back to you is what it takes, to get me some more seperation from the dungeon of doom and my hand, then im all for it.

Once you get to know me you will find that there are two things that im not. those two things are, sanitary and a French supporter, but i got to tell you, both of these go to the waste when it comes to me cleaning my cavern. Why did i bring the french in to this you might ask, well let me tell you. First let me start by saying that this by no means, means that i like or will ever like anything to do with the french outside of the eifel tower, but that is another time. the reason i bring the french in to this is because i think they got something going with that whole bidet thing. WOW what a marvel! you chop your wood on one porcelan tower and then move to the other to clean your cave. this cant be any more refreshing, and for those who havent tried it dont you dare try to knock it. well thats all i have for now but i think you get where im going...so heres a quick summary, we are not as advanced as you think, the middle east sucks, i hate the french, but wow what a dynamite idea they had with the bidet.

rack me im out

-scott

Bill Romanowski

is this guy the most pathetic guy in the history of the sport. i mean really this guy is the worst example of an nfl player that i have ever laid my eyes on. to take his s**t to television and discuss all the horrible things he did because he was trying desperately to hold on to a dream is a pathetic attempt to make people feel sorry for him for yet again the greater good of himself. Now i know that no one is really going to read this outside of me but if anyone does please promise me that you will never buy his book which is an inevitable outcome that we can all see coming. and the worst part is that this whole book is going to be about how he used as many drugs as he legally could and that he is soooo sorry and how i really "expanded my moral compass to play another year." Seriuosly is anyone buying this s**t or is the american public finally to the point where we stop thinking that since they have played a professional sport they are incapable of doing wrong, and even worse when do, do something wrong they say they are forced to by the ever changing and increasing talent field, thus they have to cheat to make it any longer. you know what if you are not good enough simply by your god given talents then get the f**k off the field and let those who are working hard to get their time to shine. all those with the steroid problems are exactly that.... a problem. you are ruining all of sports and im tired of hearing about this s**t. and lastly for all you people out there who say that using steroids isnt that big a deal go talk to the teammate of "Romo" who is no longer playing because his roid rage ended his career when they got in a fight and Romanowski broke his cheek bone and jaw with a punch. oh and you can be the ones who tell those AAA players who are clean and working their asses off to get to the big show, and cant because some talentless s**t ahead of them is juiced up enough where his broken bat swings produce home runs.

another thing..... there is going to have be an asterics next to every f**king record in the books from this day forward letting people know that the record was based on a man who felt that cheating was an appropriate substitute for hard work and talent. Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Rafeal Palmeiro, you guys are heros to all and yet with all the records you set you let more and more people know that the best way to the top is through a syringe. you are a disgrace to the game and i hope all who reads this knows that they are not heros nor are they even worth talking bout when the all-time greats are mentioned because they arent great, they are all cheats. good luck with your conscience and say goodbye to your dreams of the record books because i can assure you that the cowardly, yellow, heartless Bud Selig will be replaced by someone with some guts, and someone who is not intimadated by the players statures. And please lets hope that the new commissioner is not encouraged by what he thinks he is doing for the game but instead encouraged by where the game is going, and is ready to clean up our nations past time. rack me im out.

-scott

What ????

Last week at the office i was unfortunately forced into an arguement that could do nothing short of decreasing my intelligence. I was discussing a house that my fiance and i are about to purchase and that we would probably have a boat since we are so close to the water. As soon as that sentence came out of my mouth a female co-worker began to run the mouse on the wheel in her head to respond. She first asked where i would keep this boat, thinking nothing of this, and with little thought as to where my response was about to take me i said that i would most likely keep it in my garage. Once again the mouse began to run, this time fast enough to give Carl Lewis a run for his money, when the mouse tired she uttered the most ridiculous response possible. "A boat cant fit in a garage." What ???? what could she have possibly meant by that. i mean really does she actually think that she is speaking anyting with even a bit of intelligence. I politely responded by telling her that i have actually seen a boat in a garage and that she must be thinking of something else. Maybe a yacht, maybe a cruise ship for that matter. However she reassured me that she has lived on the lake before and boats dont fit in garages. WOW... at this point i dont know if i am supposed to be mad or feel bad for her and help enlighten her on a world, much more vast then the one revolving around her perfect little world. i guess my brain said that she was to far from help for me to feel bad for her so i responded honestly and well lets be honest a bit sarcasticly. I asked if maybe in a weird way that there might have been a boat that was constructed in the past 20 years that might not be as big as a possible garage constructed in the same time frame thus allowing it to fit ( case in point -------------> ). At this point she became angry towards me, at first i was happy because i figured she saw the errors of her way and was mad that i called her out on it, however to my surprise she was angry because i was still WRONG in her eyes. I no longer felt it was worth my time to discuss the matter because i could actually feel myself becoming more and more ignorant by the second. i finished the conversation by telling her that maybe she was right and i would consider putting it in my backyard. she responded with, how big is your back yard! wow, i walked away and prayed, god bless blondes.

A culture named "Snoop"

Is there really anything all that bad with "Snoop Doggy Dogg." I only ask because for what he has done for us, I mean seriously look at this guy, I was shocked to find that we dont recognize him as one of the most influential people of the last half a decade. I mean really with songs like "Doggystyle" and "Drop it like its Hot" how can we not love him. Who else could rewrite history and Websters for that matter with words like "fo shizzle" (for you non-culturists that means for sure), and lyrics as motivating and encouraging as " im dialing 187 with my d**k in your mouth." WOW, this guy is not just a pop culture hero but a role model for all people wondering how to catch success, its easy just follow in the foot steps of this icon. To help i will give a brief overview of his route to the top.
* Get arrested before getting your driver liscense
* Be tried for murder but let go because of your money
* Re-write Webters with words of your own

i mean what about this guy doesnt shout success and wisdom, i say commend not condemn.

-scott